Relapse and Visits
For many parents who are separated from their children because of substance abuse, visits raise both grief and ambivalence issues. As visiting progresses into lengthier, less supervised opportunities to spend time together, and focused on more day-to-day parenting situations, opportunities for parenting-specific relapse triggers increase.
For parents who don’t have a secure parenting-specific relapse prevention plan, and unresolved issues, visits may trigger actual relapse. Some of the most common parenting specific reasons for a relapse include:
- Difficult child behaviors
- Judgments from others about parenitng
- Unresolved grief and loss issues
- Ambivalence about reunficiation and future parenting responsibilities
Typically, the response to a relapse is to cancel visits, and to confront the parent on their failure to be a responsible mother or father.
This is not the best response. Parents already feel guilty and embarrrassed about drinking or picking up the drug again. They may not be able to give a rational reason for their behavior, and feeling shamed just heightens an already intense situation. Moreover, when visits are cancelled, parents are given the message that parenting is a privilege, not a responsibility, and children suffer.
Moreover, substance use is not a proxy for bad parenting. There are plenty of maltreating parents who do not use drugs. And there are plenty of substance using parents who are good mothers and fathers. Nevertheless, for child welfare professionals and the court, it may be the only quantitative indicator available. So it is important to use relapse information thoughtfully.
From the drug treatment provider angle, relapse should be used as an opportunity to explore ambivalence and unaddressed parenting issues. Child welfare professionals may want to shift visit locations and tighten supervision to protect the child’s safety. Family courts may want to slow down the reunification plan to allow the parent to explore her ambivalence, or to shore up parenting skills and sense of competency. However, in New York State, there is no reason – except for active intoxication – for a visit to be cancelled (see OASAS local service bulletin on visits and relapse).
While no parent likes admitting to the possibility of relapse when they are moving forward with a reunfication plan, it is important to acknowledge that relapse is a common part of the recovery process. Therefore, all treatment providers, child welfare agencies, and family courts should insist that parents have a written parent specific relapse prevention plan, signed by everyone (click here for a sample), that includes:
- Parenting specific triggers
- Parenting specific warning signs
- Identification of recovery supports
- Action plan – including a child safety plan
