Life After Treatment
When families come back together after treatment, the primary feeling is excitement, tempered by anxiety. This is especially profound in families involved in the child welfare system. Not all families live together again 24/7 after treatment. In fact, there are a broad range of options for most families. (Click here for a list of options.)
Despite their nervousness, few people in recovery have been realistically prepared for what lies ahead.
Parents need to know that there is a trajectory shared by most people in early recovery.
Honeymoon - when families first come back together, there is a brief “honeymoon.” Everyone is on best behavior. No one wants to rock the boat, or worse, cause a relapse. Children are afraid of reconnecting with the child welfare system, as are their parents. Everyone is concerned about “getting back to normal” and at the same time, “making things better.”
Storm stage – But honeymoons never last. And in this situation, honeymoons are typically followed by a period of conflict, also known as the “storm.” Children find it too difficult to behave perfectly, and they begin to test out boundaries. Conflict arises more frequently. Family members are resentful of the continued need to prioritize recovery over family, and children begin to express their anger and frustration about the past. Parents feel betrayed and wonder why they bothered to get clearn in the first place. Family counseling is an important resource during this vulnerable period. Recovery management supports can also be critical.
Stablization – after a while, homeostasis reasserts itself and the family begins to develop new ways of interacting. The family comes up with new rules, roles, and responsibilities. Everyone learns to share thoughts and feelings in new ways. The family finds new drug-free activities and rituals they can enjoy together and they begin to focus on their own needs, personal growth, and development.
Supporting Reunification
Even parents who are well-prepared for what lies ahead may find themselves overwhelmed by the realities of reunification. To protect parents from some of the relapse vulnerabilities created by reunification:
- Take it slow – reunify with one child at a time, if possible
- Explore ambivalence fully before finalizing permanency decisions
- Help the parent connect up with a parenting support program, through the child welfare agency or other community based organization
- If the parent is involved in a 12-step or self-help program, encourage him or her to find a sponsor who understands parenting challenges
- Encourage the parent to seek out family counseling both before and during the reunification process
Surrendering Rights
Remember, not all parents will decide to reunify. Some will opt to surrender their rights, which should be framed as a loving and responsible parenting decision. In these cases, parents need to work closely with their human service professionals to ensure everyone is comfortable and accepting of this decision. To learn more about Surrender of Parental Rights, click here.
